Rejuvenation
Rest is important - it rejuvenates, clears one's perspectives and reminds us not to take life too seriously...
Oh and something about having fun too :P
Back from my vacation and back to work.
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Rest is important - it rejuvenates, clears one's perspectives and reminds us not to take life too seriously...
Oh and something about having fun too :P
Back from my vacation and back to work.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Contentment
Life is filled with all sorts of changes and experiences. I can ask all sorts of difficult questions trying to evaluate the past - should I have done X? Why did I leave Y? Did I ever consider Z?
This brings up the discipline of contentment. I just started a new job. Could my cubicle be nicer? Sure. Could it be worse? Again, sure. Could my salary be better or worse? Sure. I am not attempting to trivialize circumstances, rather I am challenged to consider what it means to seek contentment.
Ascetics and masochists aside, I do believe contentment is a good and important thing. However it is an incredibly variable thing. Some days I believe I need some very expensive item that is really snazzy and I will be content. Other times on a hot day, all it takes is to sit in some shade and enjoy some cool water.
What matters is one's standard for contentment. Person A can be content with a $10 bottle of wine, while person B cannot be content with less than a $100 bottle of wine. I personally think A is better off. Our society however pushes both person A and B to be discontent. To always crave something more, something better. But how much is enough? How is it possible that our society who gets the top 10% best water, food, shelter, clothing, technology, wealth, healthcare, etc still manages to be discontent and always craving for more?
Simplicity is a freedom. Contentment is a freedom. I for one would rather be content and free, than constantly craving and discontent. People talk about doing financial tip X or saving up for Y to improve one's standard of living. Here's a cheaper (but harder) tip - learn contentment. This brings up many other hard (but incredibly important) issues. If we're people who do wrong things, if we are spiritual beings, then we will crave a much deeper contentment. And that, is something only God (not I) can help you with.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Lilfe Doesn't Have an Autosave
It was on. I had brought my A game. It all started with a furious smattering of keys (in a somewhat consequential order), followed by a pause, and further smattering. Again I paused with hand on chin, and then smattered some more. It had good links in it and well thought out paragraphs. I proofread it several times, as to improve on my writing style and word choice. Being the multitasker I was, I was surfing off in another window. Happened to click a link to a PDF file, and then BAM my browser crashes. Thank you very much Adobe Acrobat Plugin. It seemed fated that this is how I would discover that blogger.com doesn't have an autosave feature. Lost the blog post I had laboured for.
The post on Music, Literature and Film will have to wait. Life doesn't have an Autosave... after a blunder we can't just revert to a previously saved reality.
Until then, 3 guesses on what "Fire Exit" is in Welsh, and the first two guesses don't count.
Photo takens by friends from the Schlosswhile visiting a castle in Wales
Friday, August 18, 2006
Home
There and back again... got back Wednesday afternoon. "Sweet Home Alabama" has been stuck in my head. I can truly say Winnipeg is my home. Some former Winnipeggers have different sentiments (see the song One Great City! by The Weakerthans).
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Live and plugged in Cambridge
I scarcely believe its only been a week since I left the Schloss. I'm in full swing and halfway through my time serving with the Cambridge International Outreach.
Coming here was tough. The Schloss is a place where theres tons of visitors already, so each person there has to strike a balance between having a comfortable circle of friends, yet also meeting new people.
What basically happened was I left that community on a Sunday morning, and by Sunday afternoon I was surrounded by the new Cambridge Int'l Outeach (CIO) team, 40 people from all over. Everyone else was very excited and everyone was getting to know everyone, however I was still coping with the idea of leaving the Schloss community. So it was tough, I wanted to retreat... I am getting used to it now. Community is important - after getting more comfortable with the team it has been easier for me to extend myself and start to open up more to the int'l students (which is the whole point of the ministry lol).
The days are busy here, the weekends we have more time off, but my average day look like:
Wake up around 9:30 (staying with a host family), bike over to our main HQ, we have a time of singing and then someone teaches from a bible passage (we're going through 1 John), then morning tea, then a seminar teaching us about different cultures, then lunch, then prayer time, then afternoon activities (sports, flyering, getting to meet int'l students and invite them for evening events), coffee break, small group discussions, dinner, cafe setups, then we open up our 2 cafes. Int'l students come and we hang out with them, get to know them, host optional bible studies, etc. We close up at 11:00, clean up, debrief, and I bike back home around midnight. Five days of this in a row and I was really ready to have the weekend off.
Cambridge is a beautiful city, a lot of history, and plenty of sites to see and things to do. The Cambridge Shakespeare Festival is on, so we went to see Hamlet in the gardens of the famous King's College here which was neat.
Cambridge is interesting, mostly a university town, so there's tons of students. However during the summer most of the regular students leave, and what happens is Cambridge has many language schools that then open up, with people from all over the world coming to study and learn English. Many are only here for weeks at a time, its quite an incredible thing to see - and all the multinational friendships that come out of that. So all sorts of bizarre mixes of ethnicities are seen.
I have to go - miss you all very much.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Bye...
Going in 5 hours. Off to Cambridge for 2 weeks, Oxford for 3 days, Toronto for 7 days, then home!
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Where did you come from where did you go
Its been quite awhile since I last updated, its good for me to pause and try to sum up where I am and where I'm going. I leave Schloss Mittersill in 12 days, and I don't think I'll be back anytime soon. Since my last update its been a nonstop rollercoaster ride as summer is the busiest season here. I have often tried to summarize what life at Schloss Mittersill is like - well in many ways the summer is very un-mundane. The summers especially, as we have groups constantly in and out.
Arts Conference (pics)- We just finished up the busiest conference of the year, in which I took full part as a delegate but also helped out with music and audio/video setup each day. An amazing conference - gathering musicians, visual artists, filmmakers, actors, writers from Europe and North America. It was such a moving time to really consider the gift and calling for artists to be creative in our world. I think our culture totally doesn't appreciate the arts - its just some nice hobby to do, but not really important to the larger scheme of things. One of the speakers pointed out the first occurence in the Bible where we are told of someone being filled with the Spirit was actually the artist God commissioned to work on the tabernacle (Ex 35). It was great, there were workshops on painting, acting, percussion, musical arrangement, sculpture, etc. Highlight for me would be playing in a worship team with a amazing guitarist, cellist, percussionist and a jazz pianist (3 of which made a living as a musician).
Other thingies - Hard to summarize the past couple months, but a few highlights: Been doing a fair amount of hiking (pics1, pics2), and learning more about enjoying the beauty of nature. World Cup (pics) was a big thing, and especially neat as so many different nationalities come through and its interesting to watch the Swedes play with actual Swedes in the room, or Germans, Dutch, Brits, Poles, etc. As I'm the one doing technical setup for a lot of these groups that come through, I get more of an opportunity to actually get to know them. Neat opportunities come up out of that, a Swedish confirmation group of around 35 invited me to lead their worship night on their last night at the Schloss, it was a special experience and I've been really thankful to be a part of what God's doing with these groups.
Comings and Going - Many friends have left me at the Schloss, as there has been so much change within the Schloss Community. Sadly I know that in 12 days I will be the one that leaves. Its been a great time for me, from here I'll go to Cambridge for a 2 week student outreach, then visit a friend in Oxford for a couple days, and then fly to Toronto to visit my sisters. I'm sad when I think about leaving, yet excited for the steps ahead. The theme of the Arts Conference will stick with me, as a calling to what it means to really follow Jesus, whether in an artistic or just a broader sense. What he calls us to is a long obedience in the same direction. Here I am, getting ready to end another chapter, may it all be obedient in God's direction.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Pure and Simple
There's a reason I like endurance sports like running or cycling - the simplicity and purity of the aim. I can momentarily leave the complications of my life and pour all of myself into this one thing. Its tiring, there's times when you want to quit - but there's unfettered freedom in willing one thing.
Danish philosopher/theologian Søren Kierkegaard wrote a book called "Purity of Heart Is to Will One Thing." I so easily complicate my spiritual life into a list of a thousand things to do and a thousand things to learn. Motives begin to convolute and often corrupt. I have been reminded by God - that as a Christian I am to will one thing: to know and love God more.
I think when I learn to view all the aspects and areas of my life I can enjoy that same freedom of pouring all of oneself into biking 40km for example. The freedom of living for a single aim, indeed, purity of heart is to will one thing.
The full text is available online here [religion-online.org]
Monday, May 22, 2006
Could be
It was the frequent theme of all my parent teacher interviews. "Could be" - specifically "could be doing better". I suppose each teacher felt it was the right thing to say, but all of them together created a sort of cloud above my head - "I could be, but I wasn't".
I've been having a terrible time trying to do my research papers here. All the struggles and personal torment I encountered during university all have come back.
Its not that I can't apply myself - I think I apply myself wholeheartedly (indeed 一心). Those who knew me better would know that I perhaps overpassionately get into whatever subject/topic that holds my fancy. What I can't seem to do is apply myself wholeheartedly to a specific given task.
The current paper I'm working on (or I should say not working on) could really be done in a matter of hours. I don't find anything particularly hard about the subject matter or creating an outline or anything - but I can't seem to do it. I am however, doing a bunch of other productive things (with noticable vigor) - just not things productive to the task at hand: my overdue paper.
Its a funny thing to struggle with one's personal demons of the past. I've never really been able to put my mind to my studies, or when I took piano lessons. I could have short bursts under pressure (otherwise known as cramming), but the sustained work ethic just never developed. Many tasks - of which I had the potential to complete well - were never completed or else completed poorly. It is a very frustrating, discouraging thing.
I think for a long time I just felt like something was wrong with me - I couldn't 'work' like how others worked. I'm starting to accept the fact that I do work and think very differently from most people. I still need to learn how to apply myself to something like a paper - something requiring long-term, systematic work ethic.
Here's to learning hard lessons about oneself.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Empty chairs and empty tables
I'm looking at my passport... my D visa for Austria expires on July 23rd. I've looked into the different possibilities, and the only way for me to stay longer would be to apply for a student visa, a lengthy and complicated process.
The Schloss has gone through its share of legal difficulties, mainly being that the Schloss (classified as a hotel in the Austrian government's books) cannot have people volunteering there for free (apparently smells too much like slavery without income tax). As of right now, all the volunteers have ceased cleaning/dishes or anything involving serving paying guests. Those who are from the new EU countries were able to become employed. Austrian law just doesn't allow for volunteering in the same way so many other countries do.
It is a sad change for the Schloss - the volunteers contributed so much to the ethos of the place - people from around the world coming to volunteer and create this international community. For now however - this volunteer program is over. Most of the volunteers have had to change their plans and are returning home sooner. Just a couple days ago a good friend left, and now the flood of people leaving begins.
It is fortunate, and perhaps God's providence, that my responsibilities are not affected. This is because my responsibilities involve serving the community and staff, not paying guests. In some strange way, I already am, and will be the last 'volunteer' for some time to come.
I am not sure what to do, if I should pursue a student visa and stay longer, or else return home in late July, a mere 2.5 months away. I do know that within a month, there will be a lot of empty chairs and empty tables.
Saying so many goodbyes here is hard - there are many that could have become very good close friends, if we had but more time. Still we can enjoy the time we do have together, late night theological discussions, napping on the hill in the afternoon sun, or lazy frisbee days... 
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Reflections after a Short Term Missions Trip
(Our team with the IFES workers in Sienna, Italy)
Got some of my pictures from my trip to Italy up now:Check em out on FlickR
Thought I'd share some reflections after the trip:
Synposis:
We visited two cities (Siena and Perugia) and worked with the local IFES (International Fellowship of Evangelical Students) chapter there, known as GBU (Gruppi Bibblici Universitari). We helped with doing questionnaires to evangelise, gave handouts to let people know about the group, and hosted 2 International Student nights, with games/food/testimony. We were also there to encourage and bless the workers there, so time was spent to pray and Bible study together. We spent 6 days in these 2 cities, and then took a day and a half to sightsee and we went to Assisi (home of St. Francis) and Florence (went to the Uffizi there).
Setting:
As we know, Italy is the home of the Vatican, so there is an extremely strong Catholic ethos about the society. There's cathedrals all over the place, and often even in the main city piazza where everyone hangs out. The Protestant evangelical church however is quite weak, and also quite divided. There is no longer a native Italian financial support for IFES. What is happening now is that other countries are supporting people as missionaries to work in Italy. The team working in Siena and Perugia were made up of a Korean family, and two gals from England and the States. Almost all the native Italians I met had some experience with the Catholic church when they were young, but all stopped going for some reason or another. Italy also has a lot of foreign students, our International Student Night in Perugia included students form Isreal, Palestine, Tunisia, Japan, Korea, China, Netherlands, Albania, and others I can no longer remember.
1. Who's changed?
For a short term mission, I think it started to sink in that the one who is mosted change would likely be me, not the people I was reaching out to. Short term missions don't allow much time for creating real relationships. Rather I think how I was stretched in terms of culture, comfort zone, boldness, etc. That is not to say that I don't think God could use the things we did there, but really I think a large part of the experience was how it changed me, us as a team that went.
2. Linguistics
Language matters. It was a struggle for us as a lot of the people we encountered spoke very limited English, or didn't want to make the effort to try to communicate with us. Fortunately we were able to get in touch with a good number of internationals who spoke english. I am motivated again, if I want to work more in the Chinese church in Canada, I gotta get a move on learning Cantonese, and hopefully down the road, Mandarin (with this as my main help right now). So ditiching German lessons to accomodate this.
3. Approaches to Evangelism
We quickly realized we were all comfortable (or uncomfortable) with different styles of evangelism. The native Italians there were very much into random evangelism, very public things such as setting up in the main piazza (with dozens of people around), doing a skit, and then preaching the gospel right then and there, as far as their voice would project. It would seem that relational evangelism is the current trend in North America, so it was good for me to see something different. It was stretching for me, I kinda think I could get comfortable with being willing to go up to strangers - hmm but "could" and "will" are 2 very different things.
4. Heart for the Lost
Its too easy to totally immerse oneself in Christian circles. I consider myself guilty of this.
5. Hospitality
Finding places for 9 people to sleep is not easy. It was so heartwarming to see the Christians simply open their homes and fridges to us. I don't think we do hospitality particularly well in North America. I'd love to offer my couch my day (when I have my own place). Its neat to see other people with grand visions of hospitality (check out couchsurfing.com)
6. Time Alone
Spending a week of constantly being shoulder to shoulder with your teammates, whilst stretching yourself to talk and interact with strangers takes it toll - my introverted side was starved by the end of it of the week. I pretty much didn't want to be around anyone. Heh, funny thing is some suggest for my personality type (INTP), one way to love me is to encourage me to spend time alone. Its important, and it keeps me healthy.
Final Thoughts:
-Short term missions are very good in expanding one's vision, but I think the better work is done by those there longterm. Similiarly then we need to understand our homes as a mission field. But then on, perhaps we shouldn't label a place as a "mission field", everywhere is a mission field.
-The countryside of Italy with its rolling hills is really beautiful. Vineyards, olive trees, quiet homes, trees blossoming... it was really beautiful.
-I've been reminded of the Great Commission, I think I've become too Christianized in terms of living almost solely in Christian circles, I'm convicted to find a balance of knowing what it means to live within and bless believers, yet to be reaching out to those who do not yet know God.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Awhile...
It's been awhile since I wanted to post something. Just in terms of updating, it's been a busy month of April!
Cole's notes of my doings of the last month:
-finished my 3rd course - Old Testament Theology. Had the pleasure of learning under Carl Armerding, who's expertise in Biblical knowledge is pretty evident as he's one of the OT contributors to the NIV translation. Amazing to learn more about how it all fits together - from what God was doing with Adam to what he did with Jesus Christ.
-got a month before the next course, so time to work on all my papers for the 3 classes I've taken (lectures done, papers not started)
-went to Italy for a week mission trip to work with the 8 other students here to the local IFES student ministries in Siena and Perugia, a fuller report will be coming. Also had a chance to swing by Assisi and Florence
-Experienced my first houseparty (happened to be the Easter one) here at the Schloss. It was a great time, observed my first Passover (Seder) meal, the students put on an excellent Passion walk, a series of dramas in various parts of the castle/garden to reenact the Passion week.
-considering http://euroleadership.org
-don't think I'll ever do a masters in theology, I like theology in small doses, not to the same extent as the theology students here, perhaps I'm just too pragmatic.
-been trying to figure out what IS me. Thinking more about where I want to go in the future more precisely, hopefully more to come on this too.
What a weak post - I do not at all hold that I am merely a sequence of unfortunate and fortunate events, but I just don't have the energy to expound on any of my experiences recently. Oh yeah, I think I really tired myself out this month too, going to slow it down a bit.
So hey, actually there is my high reflection: If you stress yourself out, you just dry up and really don't have the energy or joy that allows for a more meaningful, reflective existence. Yup.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
I could try...
Things have been busy, haven't updated my blog in awhile.
Started my 2nd course for credit here - History of Christianity. Quite an interesting course, tracing Christianity from around the 2nd century up to current times. All sorts of interesting topics - mostly on the various foul-ups and corruption of the church throughout the ages. I suppose we shouldn't be so presumptuous as to suppose we the modern church has got it all together. The bulk of my mark is a research paper - I'm planning to do mine on tracing early Protestantism in China.
This coming Wednesday I leave on a week long mission trip to Italy - where we could be coming along aside and working with 2 IFES (International Fellowship of Evangelical Students, of which IVCF is part of) groups in the cities of Perugia and Sienna. We'll be working the booktable, hoping randomly meeting with students, and hosting 2 international student nights. I'll be taking care of the music side of things, as well as helping plan the international student nights. I'm quite excited, myself and 8 other people from the Schloss are going. 9 people - with 7 different nationalities, just to keep things challenging ^_^
I'd like to share more about some of the stuff I've been thinking/learning about, I suppose I simply haven't had to energy to put anything like this together... oh well, soon.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Maybe this time I'll finish it...
Why the change in color? To make it fit better onto my new website.
Yah I purchased www.alllantan.net awhile back and started working on it. I have a lot of ideas, but hopefully I'll actually be finishing it more than my former website.
I don't have much done yet, you can check out my pictures and sign the guestbook if it so pleases you tho :)
I'm currently taking a course on the importance of studying history, last couple days have been looking at World War II. I have to admit, I'm quite ignorant of the events and the world situation. It blows my mind to consider the things that happened, but today's class reminded me of the scarier part - the holocaust was not some farfetched surprise. We reaped what was sown. Antisemitism did not magically spring up when Hitler was appointed chancellor... no things had been in motion for centuries. What that also means is that things could have been changed long before the extermination of around 6 million Jews.
Tomorrow we take a field trip out to the Dachau concentration camp, just north of Munich. Its crazy to think of the horrors committed just a few hours drive from where I am. Or even the place I am now... part of the Schloss's history was that it was used by the German SS during WWII, and Himmler himself had some operations here.
I think I'd like to write something about history soon, but need to reflect and think somemore first... perhaps this Lord of the Rings quote sums and warns us well:
The world is changed: I feel it in the
water, I feel it in the earth, I smell it
in the air...Much that once was is lost,
for none now live who remember it...
...and some things that should not have been forgotten...were lost
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." (Santayana)
Monday, February 27, 2006
A new page
Hm has factors of 2, 3, 4, 6, 8 and 12. Must be a flexible year? :P
I always longed to sing this song on the right occasion, funny how fitting it is for how I actually feel right now. I find it such an honest song - yet uplifting, ah to not cop out on life! I am the second man now...
Click to listen: http://www.allantan.net/Switchfoot_TwentyFour.wma
Twenty Four by Switchfoot
Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
Twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong
See I'm not copping out not copping out not copping out
When You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now
And You're raising these twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts
But I wan to be one today
Centered and true
I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now
And You're raising the dead in me
I want to see miracles, see the world change
Wrestled the angel, for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And You're raising the dead in me
Twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts.
I'm not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Swing of things...
I've almost been here at the Schloss for one month now. Its been good so far, although I have my moments of homesickness for sure... So what have I been up to? I find the list getting long, one thing is I don't want to be overambitious, yet the Schloss is a place where lot of opportunity comes a knockin'
Coursework - Just finished a course on marriage/family/sexuality, and starting Biblical Exegesis tomorrow. The prof teaching is an amazing jazz pianist who I'm working with for music/worship stuff. Going to feel weird, haven't been in school for a long time.
Worship Stuff - Got a chance to work with a really cool program called mediashout.com which basically replaces using Powerpoint for song lyrics, scriptures, songs/pictures etc. Also since my arrival we're starting up having 2 worship teams to rotate for Sunday services. Its cool, my team has a Bulgarian dude who's doing some lead guitar, I'm doing rhythm guitar and vocals, a Brazillian gal is playing piano and a Vancouver gal is singing with me. Also we're switching to daily chapel this week, so we'll have 20 mins of scripture/prayer/singing every morning now.
IT - Since coming here theres been enough tech support stuff to do around here. There hasn't been anyone to fix up stuff in awhile, so a lot of little things, so-and-so can't print, some MS Active Directory user admin, hoping to do some work with revamping the Schloss' online registration and setting up MS Exchange server here.
Extracurricular - Hmm well I have about 6-7 books I'm reading right now... yeah I'm one of those who can't stick to one book, rather its like food, I like to choose what I'm in the mood to 'eat' each day. Notably, reading Pilgrim's Progress (Bunyan), The Christian Imagination (GK Chesterton), Life Together(Bonhoffer), Emotional Intelligence(Goleman), and Hind's Feet on High Places(Hurnard). Also started German classes today - I figure it'd be cool since I'm here longer to actually learn some German. Wanna learn? Found a good tutorial site by BBC here. Hmm hoping yeah to learn some jazz piano, improve guitar, read more, eh my usual list of hobbies.
Fun Stuff - All work and no play makes Allan a dull boy. Hoping to go skating/sledding (attn Canadians, we're the only ones who call it 'tobogganing', which frankly is just a pain to spell :P) soon. Its too warm right now, but they have a 14km sled run here! Man that blows my mind. Also got a chance to take a day trip out to Venice, Italy just two days ago, I'll have some pics up soon. But yah just getting to know people here, which is much of the fun.
So that was sorta s brief summary of what I'm up to... I miss you all lots! I feel very far away.. so maybe knowing what I'm up to makes me feel like I'm more connected or something... or something... take care everyone!
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Lessons from Learning Cantonese
Most of you know one of my latest hobbies is trying to relearn my Cantonese (mostly using this site). Its part of my 5 yr plan to hopefully learn conversational Cantonese, conversational Mandarin, then either reading/written simplified/traditional. I'd like to see myself in some type of full time Christian ministry one day, and I think they'd be valuable assets. It'll be a long road tho, so we'll see if I carry it out to the end or not.
One thing if I find about Chinese is that the characters and literal meanings are quite interesting, at times funny, critical and profound. So in Chinese there might be two characters that together mean "smoking" for example, but if you look at the literal translations its quite interesting. If I knew how to write and read I think it becomes even more interesting, as each word is construction with characters adding even more meaning. Heres a few examples:
食煙 sik yeen - "to smoke". Literal translation "eat smoke". haha
小心 siu sum - "to be careful". Literal translation "little heart"
有心 yau sum - "to care for". Literal translation "have heart"
龍蝦 loong haa - "lobster". Literal translation "dragon shrimp". Hm well I guess if you combined a dragon and a shrimp, haha.
On a more political side of things (with the upcoming election), my mom was teaching me that the character that can be used for politician or ruling is 管治, of which the first character has two "mouth" characters (the box). Meaning well, politicans can say one thing, and than another thing later.
One of the profound ones that has influenced me lately is the term for "relax" or to "put at ease". Its 放心 "fong sum". The literal translation for this is "release heart".
Wow - this lines up so much with what it means for us as Christians to trust and believe in God. I get so easily worked up about something - usually when something doesn't go my way. I want it so bad - it eats away at me. Its time like that we need to give up everything before God, lay down our burdens, and release our heart to its Maker. I don't know what's best, He does. I don't know tomorrow, He does.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. -Matthew 11:28-29
Leaving in 72 hours...
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Surprisingly Undeep
I'm standing here. I look around for a moment - to remind myself if I really am where I think I am. Yup... to be perfectly clear: I don't want to be where I am. There's countless other places I could think of being - places I would much rather be.
Life is like that. We often find ourselves in places we don't want to be. Confuscius say "road to growth, easy it is not"... or maybe it was Yoda... Life's like that, you have to give something to get something. Strength is the product of struggle. Want patience? Try waiting. Want wisdom? Try making some mistakes and then looking back.
Its a tradeoff that fortunately is not always in our power to choose, it seems we are invariably faced with these less than appealing aspects of life. Ergo, our natural reflexive reaction is less than positive. The famous saying "the price of freedom is eternal vigilance" comes to mind. We all like freedom, but if it costs us eternal vigilance, then screw freedom! ...oh wait I take that back, freedom is pretty good and pretty important to me.
Ginny Owen's song is moving... If you want me to:
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why you brought me here
But just because you love me the way that you do
I’m gonna walk through the valley
If you want me to
"But I don't want to be here" I cry... I want to fly... I want to be elsewhere - becoming who I want to be... discovering who I really am? Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails (Prov 19)... His plans are good too, and good for me... and then the second verse of If you want me to rings so close to home:
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that’s not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I’d never go alone
I let out a deep sigh. 1 part dissatisfaction, 1 part faith, 1 part trust I tell myself... hopefully... I shrug my shoulders, zip up my jacket and walk into Convergys. Scheduled to work xmas eve, xmas, NY's eve, and NYs...
Can't deprive you of the chorus to the song:
CauseI’m not who I was
When I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise you’re not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If you want me to
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
It was perfect....
Its the sort of evening you dream about. There is a light snow falling... the temperature just around -5. The glow of the streetlamps creates a candlelight-like aura. The snow crunches underneath me, but I barely hear it under my breath. My legs feel pretty good - although my heavy breathing lets me know my cardio is suffering. I really had to get out of the house - one of those times where you need something to feel alive again. I hadn't gone for a run in a long time... but here I am.
It feels good to push myself. I pass by many shovelling their driveways, who momentarily gawk at me as if enjoying a winter run was a thing unfathomable. Its here, while I am pounding away on the concrete or the pedals of my bike that I feel so free. What pulls at my heart is the purity of intention - when one sets his simple and humble goal of getting from point A to B. Theres no pretense, no alterior motives, just you, your destination, and the kilometers of ground between. Its such a refreshing contrast from the complications of life.
There's a stillness about the streets... as you run down a street and just see the freshly fallen snow, the darkskies and streetlamps... I am loving it. Suddenly my body wants to stop. Without a fight I start to walk, my lungs gasping. "Am I quitting already?" I glance at my watch... 10 minutes. A far cry from the hour run I did a couple months ago. Again the battle seems before me... I could quit. No one would care, no one would see. It seems such a glorious microcosm of my life... the battle is here and now. I want to push on... after this short contemplation I get myself into a jog again and push on. As I get going again, I start to ask "What am I trying to prove anyway? Why am I here?". It feels good to push the questions out of my mind for a moment and just keep pounding away... The journey from point A to B doesn't require my incessant analysis, and I am glad for that.
I reach about 17 minutes, and somewhat more satisfied I start my cool down walk... I had wasted my entire day so far but it is good to exert myself. The runner's high hits a few seconds into my walk... the adrenaline and endorphines rushing up from inside. Its nice, I feel alive again. 17 minutes... all I need to do is triple my time/distance, and do a 1.5km swim and 40km bike beforehand... "triathlon in summer 2007" I tell myself wistfully, but shake my head.
If only life were as simple as tonight's run, or my frequent bike rides when I push and push myself with a single goal in mind. Tonight was nice... "perfect" I tell myself... well "almost perfect" quickly correcting myself. It was a quick 20 minutes, but it was just what I needed. Upon touching the doorknob of my house I am immediately jolted back to the real world. "Oh I gotta be at work in 20 minutes" I think as I hurry in and close the door.
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