Thursday, May 25, 2006

On Accomplishment

A great excerpt from a book I'm currently reading that I think is worth sharing. Its talks about different phases of leadership development, but you don't need to know the phases to grasp the core of what Clinton is saying here:


The amazing thing is that during Phases I, II and III God is primarily working in the leader (not through him or her). Though there may be fruitfulness in ministry, the major work is that which God is doing to and in the leader, not through him or her. Most emerging leaders don't recognize this. They evaluate productivity, activites, fruitfulness, etc. But God is quietly, often in unusual ways, trying to get the leader to see that one ministers out of what one is. God is concerned with what we are. We want to learn a thousand things because there is so much to learn and do. But he will teach us one thing, perhaps in a thousand ways: "I am forming Christ in you." It is this that will give power to your ministry.

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Monday, May 22, 2006

Could be

It was the frequent theme of all my parent teacher interviews. "Could be" - specifically "could be doing better". I suppose each teacher felt it was the right thing to say, but all of them together created a sort of cloud above my head - "I could be, but I wasn't".

I've been having a terrible time trying to do my research papers here. All the struggles and personal torment I encountered during university all have come back.

Its not that I can't apply myself - I think I apply myself wholeheartedly (indeed 一心). Those who knew me better would know that I perhaps overpassionately get into whatever subject/topic that holds my fancy. What I can't seem to do is apply myself wholeheartedly to a specific given task.

The current paper I'm working on (or I should say not working on) could really be done in a matter of hours. I don't find anything particularly hard about the subject matter or creating an outline or anything - but I can't seem to do it. I am however, doing a bunch of other productive things (with noticable vigor) - just not things productive to the task at hand: my overdue paper.

Its a funny thing to struggle with one's personal demons of the past. I've never really been able to put my mind to my studies, or when I took piano lessons. I could have short bursts under pressure (otherwise known as cramming), but the sustained work ethic just never developed. Many tasks - of which I had the potential to complete well - were never completed or else completed poorly. It is a very frustrating, discouraging thing.

I think for a long time I just felt like something was wrong with me - I couldn't 'work' like how others worked. I'm starting to accept the fact that I do work and think very differently from most people. I still need to learn how to apply myself to something like a paper - something requiring long-term, systematic work ethic.

Here's to learning hard lessons about oneself.

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Friday, May 19, 2006

Pursue your goals

A human being's highest achievement is
to let God be able to help him.


(Søren Kierkegaard)

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Ideas

Been thinking about ideas, and how good it is to always be exposed to new perspectives, thoughts, ideas, etc. Last night had dinner with a Canadian IVCF worker who's been visiting Central Asia regularly, an Uzbek medical student studying theology at the Schloss, a Russian speaking Ukranian theological student, and a British medical student currently working for the Christian Dental and Medical Fellowship. Its so enriching to encounter different ideas, perspectives, cultures, etc.

It reminds me you of the bigger picture. Let me give you an example - in Canada you don't ride with strangers and you always buckle your seatbelt. Well in Uzbekistan it is quite the opposite - in Uzbekistan any car is a potential taxi. That is, if you need to get anywhere you just flag down any car, and see if they'll take you were you need to go. Everyone does it, its not an especial source of crime, although one always needs to exercise common sense. There's a convention of how much they charge and how much you pay, but they'll take you were you need to go. A few do this full time, but for the most part, most are just ordinary people. The idea being if someone is going where you're going anyway, you can help each other out. Oh, and its illegal to wear a seatbelt in the rear seats.

On that note, a couple other interesting ideas and perspectives I came across today:

-Video of King of the Hill's take on megachurches

-A great article by the author of InternetMonk.com titled "Wretched Urgency" tackling the question - is Christianity about converting people?

Ideas are powerful things. What we think matters.

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Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Empty chairs and empty tables

I'm looking at my passport... my D visa for Austria expires on July 23rd. I've looked into the different possibilities, and the only way for me to stay longer would be to apply for a student visa, a lengthy and complicated process.

The Schloss has gone through its share of legal difficulties, mainly being that the Schloss (classified as a hotel in the Austrian government's books) cannot have people volunteering there for free (apparently smells too much like slavery without income tax). As of right now, all the volunteers have ceased cleaning/dishes or anything involving serving paying guests. Those who are from the new EU countries were able to become employed. Austrian law just doesn't allow for volunteering in the same way so many other countries do.

It is a sad change for the Schloss - the volunteers contributed so much to the ethos of the place - people from around the world coming to volunteer and create this international community. For now however - this volunteer program is over. Most of the volunteers have had to change their plans and are returning home sooner. Just a couple days ago a good friend left, and now the flood of people leaving begins.

It is fortunate, and perhaps God's providence, that my responsibilities are not affected. This is because my responsibilities involve serving the community and staff, not paying guests. In some strange way, I already am, and will be the last 'volunteer' for some time to come.

I am not sure what to do, if I should pursue a student visa and stay longer, or else return home in late July, a mere 2.5 months away. I do know that within a month, there will be a lot of empty chairs and empty tables.

Saying so many goodbyes here is hard - there are many that could have become very good close friends, if we had but more time. Still we can enjoy the time we do have together, late night theological discussions, napping on the hill in the afternoon sun, or lazy frisbee days...

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Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Reflections after a Short Term Missions Trip

(Our team with the IFES workers in Sienna, Italy)
Got some of my pictures from my trip to Italy up now:

   Check em out on FlickR

Thought I'd share some reflections after the trip:

Synposis:
We visited two cities (Siena and Perugia) and worked with the local IFES (International Fellowship of Evangelical Students) chapter there, known as GBU (Gruppi Bibblici Universitari). We helped with doing questionnaires to evangelise, gave handouts to let people know about the group, and hosted 2 International Student nights, with games/food/testimony. We were also there to encourage and bless the workers there, so time was spent to pray and Bible study together. We spent 6 days in these 2 cities, and then took a day and a half to sightsee and we went to Assisi (home of St. Francis) and Florence (went to the Uffizi there).

Setting:
As we know, Italy is the home of the Vatican, so there is an extremely strong Catholic ethos about the society. There's cathedrals all over the place, and often even in the main city piazza where everyone hangs out. The Protestant evangelical church however is quite weak, and also quite divided. There is no longer a native Italian financial support for IFES. What is happening now is that other countries are supporting people as missionaries to work in Italy. The team working in Siena and Perugia were made up of a Korean family, and two gals from England and the States. Almost all the native Italians I met had some experience with the Catholic church when they were young, but all stopped going for some reason or another. Italy also has a lot of foreign students, our International Student Night in Perugia included students form Isreal, Palestine, Tunisia, Japan, Korea, China, Netherlands, Albania, and others I can no longer remember.

1. Who's changed?
For a short term mission, I think it started to sink in that the one who is mosted change would likely be me, not the people I was reaching out to. Short term missions don't allow much time for creating real relationships. Rather I think how I was stretched in terms of culture, comfort zone, boldness, etc. That is not to say that I don't think God could use the things we did there, but really I think a large part of the experience was how it changed me, us as a team that went.

2. Linguistics
Language matters. It was a struggle for us as a lot of the people we encountered spoke very limited English, or didn't want to make the effort to try to communicate with us. Fortunately we were able to get in touch with a good number of internationals who spoke english. I am motivated again, if I want to work more in the Chinese church in Canada, I gotta get a move on learning Cantonese, and hopefully down the road, Mandarin (with this as my main help right now). So ditiching German lessons to accomodate this.

3. Approaches to Evangelism
We quickly realized we were all comfortable (or uncomfortable) with different styles of evangelism. The native Italians there were very much into random evangelism, very public things such as setting up in the main piazza (with dozens of people around), doing a skit, and then preaching the gospel right then and there, as far as their voice would project. It would seem that relational evangelism is the current trend in North America, so it was good for me to see something different. It was stretching for me, I kinda think I could get comfortable with being willing to go up to strangers - hmm but "could" and "will" are 2 very different things.

4. Heart for the Lost
Its too easy to totally immerse oneself in Christian circles. I consider myself guilty of this.

5. Hospitality
Finding places for 9 people to sleep is not easy. It was so heartwarming to see the Christians simply open their homes and fridges to us. I don't think we do hospitality particularly well in North America. I'd love to offer my couch my day (when I have my own place). Its neat to see other people with grand visions of hospitality (check out couchsurfing.com)

6. Time Alone
Spending a week of constantly being shoulder to shoulder with your teammates, whilst stretching yourself to talk and interact with strangers takes it toll - my introverted side was starved by the end of it of the week. I pretty much didn't want to be around anyone. Heh, funny thing is some suggest for my personality type (INTP), one way to love me is to encourage me to spend time alone. Its important, and it keeps me healthy.

Final Thoughts:
-Short term missions are very good in expanding one's vision, but I think the better work is done by those there longterm. Similiarly then we need to understand our homes as a mission field. But then on, perhaps we shouldn't label a place as a "mission field", everywhere is a mission field.
-The countryside of Italy with its rolling hills is really beautiful. Vineyards, olive trees, quiet homes, trees blossoming... it was really beautiful.
-I've been reminded of the Great Commission, I think I've become too Christianized in terms of living almost solely in Christian circles, I'm convicted to find a balance of knowing what it means to live within and bless believers, yet to be reaching out to those who do not yet know God.

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Friday, April 21, 2006

Awhile...

It's been awhile since I wanted to post something. Just in terms of updating, it's been a busy month of April!

Cole's notes of my doings of the last month:

-finished my 3rd course - Old Testament Theology. Had the pleasure of learning under Carl Armerding, who's expertise in Biblical knowledge is pretty evident as he's one of the OT contributors to the NIV translation. Amazing to learn more about how it all fits together - from what God was doing with Adam to what he did with Jesus Christ.
-got a month before the next course, so time to work on all my papers for the 3 classes I've taken (lectures done, papers not started)
-went to Italy for a week mission trip to work with the 8 other students here to the local IFES student ministries in Siena and Perugia, a fuller report will be coming. Also had a chance to swing by Assisi and Florence
-Experienced my first houseparty (happened to be the Easter one) here at the Schloss. It was a great time, observed my first Passover (Seder) meal, the students put on an excellent Passion walk, a series of dramas in various parts of the castle/garden to reenact the Passion week.
-considering http://euroleadership.org
-don't think I'll ever do a masters in theology, I like theology in small doses, not to the same extent as the theology students here, perhaps I'm just too pragmatic.
-been trying to figure out what IS me. Thinking more about where I want to go in the future more precisely, hopefully more to come on this too.

What a weak post - I do not at all hold that I am merely a sequence of unfortunate and fortunate events, but I just don't have the energy to expound on any of my experiences recently. Oh yeah, I think I really tired myself out this month too, going to slow it down a bit.

So hey, actually there is my high reflection: If you stress yourself out, you just dry up and really don't have the energy or joy that allows for a more meaningful, reflective existence. Yup.

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Thursday, March 30, 2006

I could try...

Things have been busy, haven't updated my blog in awhile.

Started my 2nd course for credit here - History of Christianity. Quite an interesting course, tracing Christianity from around the 2nd century up to current times. All sorts of interesting topics - mostly on the various foul-ups and corruption of the church throughout the ages. I suppose we shouldn't be so presumptuous as to suppose we the modern church has got it all together. The bulk of my mark is a research paper - I'm planning to do mine on tracing early Protestantism in China.

This coming Wednesday I leave on a week long mission trip to Italy - where we could be coming along aside and working with 2 IFES (International Fellowship of Evangelical Students, of which IVCF is part of) groups in the cities of Perugia and Sienna. We'll be working the booktable, hoping randomly meeting with students, and hosting 2 international student nights. I'll be taking care of the music side of things, as well as helping plan the international student nights. I'm quite excited, myself and 8 other people from the Schloss are going. 9 people - with 7 different nationalities, just to keep things challenging ^_^

I'd like to share more about some of the stuff I've been thinking/learning about, I suppose I simply haven't had to energy to put anything like this together... oh well, soon.

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Saturday, March 18, 2006

Food for thought

Today's email from Christian Quotation of the Day was:

On the one hand, in matters of the spirit, nothing fails like success. On the other hand, in matters of the spirit, nothing succeeds like failure.
Os Guinness (b.1941), Dining with the Devil: the Megachurch Movement Flirts with Modernity [1993], p.89
Worth thinking about...

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Thursday, March 16, 2006

Lest we forget...

The topic on my mind has been history, looking specifically at the instance of World War II, but really history in general.

Life is a story. History an even bigger story. If you want to understand me, you need to understand my story. Why am I so afraid of being embarrassed? Know my story and know the answer. And if I want to know myself better, my parents, my upbringing, then there's some stories I need to know too.

Want to know some of the most important lessons about life and who we are as humans beings? Know the story and know the answer.

For Christians so much of our understanding of God through history in the OT and NT is about understanding story. Not just that X and Y happened - you need to read into a story to understand the characters and were the story is going.

Upon completing a history course here, after visiting an actual WWII concentration camp, reflecting on my complete lack of knowledge of my family background - I have really been deeply changed. History - the big story - is something to be learned, loved, learned from, and what helps us write the next page of the story.

Consider WWII - I think most of us born after WWII simply cannot understand it. How could such a thing happen? Estimates for total casualties lies between 50 and 60 million. The number is really too hard to understand. Try doubling Canada's population and then killing everyone. Still the question begs, how did it happen?

As with most stories, nothing is a complete surprise. Take centuries of antisemitism, add economic anxiety, nations scared of war because of WWI, add some propaganda, some extremist beliefs and rulers, and there it came. Accepting that WWII happened as a progression of events and decisions makes it worse - because good people (and I think Christians as well) could have acted in ways to prevent the horrors that unfolded.

Those involved in atrocities - many of the soldiers from different nations - were they just incredibly evil people? Again I don't think so - the tales of how on Christmas during WWII, the American soldiers could hear the Germans singing Silent Night.

We need to start to see - the story of history is so vital in learning about who we are as humankind. Likewise our smaller individual stories that we have written and are still writing - these are forming who we will become. The events leading to WWII began a very ugly story... The challenging question is this - what story are we writing? One historian writes a great statement, this is from when he explains how the stage for WWII came into being:

"Each of us is shaping the background history of tomorrow" (Chaim Schatzker
I could go on, about the horrors, heroics and heartwrenching parts of WWII. I just finished watching a 10 part HBO series called Band of Brothers, based on the experiences of Easy Company, a paratrooper company that was dropped behind enemy lines on D-day. The brotherhood, the suffering they endured, the men who were broken by war, those who persevered... All these stories tug at my heart...

Life is a battle. We need brothers, and I am thankful for mine. Corporal Carl Lipton of Easy Company, during an interview of his experiences in World War II, quoted Shakespeare's St. Crispen's Day Speech:
From this day to the ending of the world we in it shall be remembered. We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother. (Shakespeare)

Here's to our stories, and the brothers who shed blood in the unglorious trenches of life by my side.

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